


The Guardian

by LadyNikita



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, F/M, I'm sorry?, Lots of Angst Actually, M/M, Some musical quotes, but there will be happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-27 19:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8414266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyNikita/pseuds/LadyNikita
Summary: AU, where John becomes a ghost after death. He gets attached to Philip and becomes his guardian. He's like an invisible imaginary uncle to him. And how would that change the events.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by tumblr post, which can be found here --> http://john-laurens-in-a-place-to-be.tumblr.com/post/152456753357/chiscribbles4smiles-hamilton-au-in-which  
> Please, please, leave a comment, they give me LIFE :D Enjoy :D

The wound above his hip was burning hot. Even slight movement was causing acute pain. He was barely conscious, but there were few things, he knew for sure.  
First - he was dying. He could felt it. The cold, climbing towards his heart like a serpent from the place, where the bullet hit his body.  
Second - he failed in every possible way. It was clear for him now, when his time had come. He didn't manage to arm and free the slaves. He left Martha in London, never got to see his daughter. If he'd got clear mind, he would have never admitted it to himself, but he was regretting it. He failed his soldiers, his supervisors, by getting himself shot. He could die during the war - that would be honourable and heroic. Instead, he's gonna die just after the war, because of his stupid recklessness.  
And third thing - Alexander wasn't there for him, as he always had been. In his last moments, the side of his bed was empty for him. Of course he had visitors - the doctor was there really often, also his sister Martha tend to visit him probably several times in a day. He couldn't tell how long he's been lying there. Days were passing unbeknown to him. He saw his father by his side once or twice. But what they meant, since Alexander was in New York, probably unaware of John's condition? There was a place in his heart, a hole, yawning with void, hurting even more than the bullet wound. He wasn't there. John might die and Alex would not even know that. Why they didn't let him know? Why they didn't write to him, he should know what's going on. Because if they wrote to him, he would be there by now.  
He was quite awake, when the doctor entered the darkened room. John couldn't remember his name. He was exhausted, drained of the endless fight with a fever... Wait, where the fever came from? It wasn't supposed to appear, not with a shot wound... he sighed, unable to think clearly. The doctor touched his forehead, muttering some soft words, which John didn't understand. Although he did notice a surprise on his face. This has woken him up a little, as his heart beat a bit faster.  
'What?' he murmured quietly. 'What happened?'  
'Shhh, nothing.'  
For John, it didn't look like nothing, rather far from it, looked quite seriously. But he didn't had the strength to argue. He let the doctor unwind the bandage. He closed his eyes, unsure if he wants to hear the bad, bad news, as the doctor inhaled sharply. Eventually he repeated.  
'What' his voice was so weak, he didn't even put an effort to chant a question. The doctor swallowed, unwilling to pass the bad news on.  
'The wound is infected. You fell on a ground, when you fell off a horse. The wound must have been dirtied then' he said quietly.  
John frowned.  
'But... that was days ago. You would noticed it by-'  
'John' the doctor looked him in the eyes with worry. 'It's been only one and a half day.'  
What? Only one and a half...? That would explain, why Alexander wasn't there. Maybe they did write to him. But even if he arrives, it will be too late. The wound was infected. The news cleared his mind enough for him to know, that he had at most two nights. If he was lucky.  
'I'm sorry' the doctor had to notice the pain on his face. 'I'm gonna... let you father know that-'  
'Wait' he whispered. 'Could you give me a pen and a piece of paper?'  
He blinked at him for a second, surprised by this sudden request, but then he stood up and a moment later came back with a travelling desk, a pen and an ink. John got up a little, putting himself into the sitting position with a moan. He closed his eyes, breathing rapidly, needing a moment for the pain to ease. Then he picked up a pen and started writing.

_My Dear, Alexander  
I'm writing this with a knowledge that we will, most likely, never see each other again on this world. There are some things I need to tell_

His breath shallow, eyes closing. The wound was burning with pain. He shook his head, trying to drive the fatigue away. 

_you. I wish I knew how to give utter to what I have in mind, like you do. You always know how to express your thoughts, what always amazed me._

He blinked. He was struggling to clear his mind, to focus.

_I won't beat about the bush, I love you, Alexander. You have expressed your affection for me in million ways in our letters, but I choose to be forthright in my last hours. I want you to know that, I've never loved anyone more dearly than I do love you._

He sighed and swallowed. He frowned, trying to find proper words, but his mind was slowly giving up.

_Alexander, I want you to know, that I will always be beside you, whatever will happen. I shall be there. Even if you won't see me, you must know I will be with you, until we meet on the other side._  
_But take your time. I can wait._  
_Yrs for evr_  
_John_

His hand flopped limply, making a line from the letter "n" to the edge of a paper. The doctor took the letter and all writing things from his inert hands and put it away.  
'I guess you want me to send it' when John nodded, he asked 'To who?'  
It took all his strength to do the effort of speaking. The words came out of his mouth as a released whisper, almost inaudible.  
'Alexander Hamilton.'  
They were also his last thought. Came almost visible in his mind. All world was gone, only his name along with his handsome face. 'Alexander. Alexander.'  
Suddenly it changed into other face. He saw Alexander's son, Philip. John wasn't in his own body anymore - he found himself in New York, in a house of a three Hamiltons. Philip was lying in his bed. He was supposed to sleep at this hour, Eliza was singing him a lullaby. Alexander was sitting in a room next door, writing some important documents. He didn't know. Not yet. John turned back to the half-year old boy. He looked back at him and smiled. As if he could see him. John smiled too. Alexander can handle himself. John can be next to him, at the same time protecting young Philip from harm. He approached boy's bed, Philip's eyes following him. Was he a ghost? He had no idea. He was dead, that much he knew for sure. But it didn't matter. Philip will be okay, John will protect him. Laurens put his hand on boy's head. Philip grinned slowly and closed his eyes.  
'Shhh, Philip, go to sleep. I will watch over you' John said, he didn't exactly know why. Philip couldn't hear him, right...? But boy was acting as if he could - sighed happily and fell asleep.  
John stayed beside him all night. He heard knocking on the door. Eliza opened them and received a letter. She went upstairs, knocked to Alexander's office's door and entered with words 'Alexander, there's a letter for you from South Carolina.'  
Laurens didn't want to listen. Didn't want to see the pain on Alexander's face. He knew exactly when news came to Hamilton, because of the heavy silence, which covered the room. John reached out to Philip's forehead and stroked it. Boy nodded in a dream.  
'Sleep well, Philip' John whispered, unwittingly putting in his mind a dream of beautiful mountains in South Carolina.


	2. A Ghost Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John being a ghost friend to Philip and missing his Alex. Burr being Burr and chages parties, pissing Alexander off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all nice words under the first chapter! Please leave a comment, they give me so much motivation! Love you :3

Nine years passed as if it was only one day. Philip was like a son to him. They walked everywhere together, John was helping him with everything, boy didn't manage on his own, as best as he could. But he was the only one, who saw Laurens. Neither Eliza nor Alexander knew about his presence. Once, when Philip was already sleeping, John made his way to Alexander's office. He walked through the door (he probably could walk through walls too, but he was used to using the door. Walking through walls just seemed... weird) and saw Alexander sitting by his desk. He had bent over, writing something. John smiled sadly. He approached him and placed his hand on his arm. Alexander scrambled and looked exactly at John's face. If Laurens had had a heart, it would has stopped at that moment. _My Alexander..._  
Hamilton blinked with a frown. He sighed with a slight irritation and shook his head, as he turned back to writing. Disappointment filled John's soul. He thought for awhile, that Alex could see him... he clenched his mouth and looked at the headline of a document, which Alexander was writing. The Federalist Papers.  
He couldn't resist, he had to touch him again. He ran his fingers across his neck. Alex straightened up, inhaled.  
'I'm here, Alexander' John whispered. 'As I promised. I'm here, with you. I always will be.'  
He couldn't hear him. But something made him think about John. Alex opened the drawer in his desk and pulled out a folded letter. When he unfolded it, John opened his eyes wider. It was his last letter, written basically while he was dying. He felt tears in his eyes. Can ghosts cry? He didn't know, but Alex was definitely crying right now. He touched the line from the letter "n" to the edge of paper. It was a sign, that he was losing strength. That he lost all of it.  
'I'm sorry I wasn't there' he whispered to the air. John cuddled to him and kissed his neck.  
'Don't be, my dear' he breathed into his ear. 'I'm here now, it's okay.'  
Alexander sniffled and blinked, trying to wipe the tears away. He folded back the letter and locked it in a drawer. Then he stood up and walked out of the office.

John was looking out the window in Philip's bedroom, when the boy came in and sat on the bed, staring at the piece of paper, which he was holding in his hand. John looked at him interested.  
'What do you have here?' he asked with a smile. Philip raised his eyes at him, Laurens could tell he was nervous. 'What's going on?'  
'We will eat supper with my dad and I'll sing this poem I wrote' he said.  
'That's great' John sat beside him and looked at the paper. 'You wrote this?' he raised his eyebrows.  
'Yeah' he sounded unsure. John grinned.  
'Wow, this is really good. I'm sure, your dad will be delighted.'  
'You think so?' he looked him in the eye. 'And what if I make a mistake or- or'  
'It will be just fine, Philip' Laurens stroked his head. 'He will be so proud of you.'  
The boy smiled, when they heard Eliza calling 'Alexander, Philip, the supper is ready!'  
John patted him on the back.  
'Go, blow them all away.'  
'Come with me' he asked and tried to catch John's hand. Of course, he couldn't.  
'Okay, but you know the one condition-' John started seriously, but Philip nodded eagerly.  
'No talking. They can't see you.'  
'Good boy' John grinned and added 'After you.'  
They descended together, to meet Eliza sitting at the piano with little Angelica on her lap. She smiled at Philip, who tried to smile back. John patted him one last time on his shoulder and leaned against a door jamb, from whence he could watch all what was happening. He used to stand here, it became quite his habit, to watch Hamiltons having dinner. But now, it was a special one. Philip turned nine today.  
'Alexander, take a break!' Eliza sat her son beside her at the piano and played a few first sounds. 'There's a little surprise before supper and it cannot wait!'  
'I am on my way' a moment later they saw Alexander, who smiled at his son.  
'Happy birthday, my son. What's the surprise?'  
'Philip' Eliza nodded to him, couldn't stop a wide smile on her face. Philip shot a glance at John and started 'My name is Philip, I am a poet, I wrote this poem just to show it and I just turned nine. You can write rhymes, but you can't write mine!'  
John accompanied Alexander in laughing.  
'I practice French and play piano with my mother. I have a sister, but I want a little brother. My daddy's trying to start America's bank. Un, deux, trois, quatre et cinq!'  
Alexander stood up, laughing. He picked Philip up and hugged him tightly.  
'That was tremendous, Philip!' he exclaimed, making Philip smile. 'Bravo!'  
Angelica started to laugh and clap her little hands. They sat at the table and started chatting. John was looking at them with a grin. After nine years he felt like a part of this family. Invisible, but present. After all this time, he learned how to mark his presence. He could move small things like a pen, if he was focused. It required an effort, but each further time was easier.  
After the supper, Hamiltons sat in a living room. Alexander wanted to go back to work, but Eliza stopped him, saying that he can write sitting in warmth with them. So now, they were all sitting beside the fireplace with hot drinks. Eliza was reading a book, cuddling to Alexander, who was sitting on a sofa next to her and writing something on his travelling desk. Angelica was playing with some toys on a ground, repetitively looking over Philip's shoulder, as he was drawing. Laurens was sitting next to him, telling him how to draw a turtle. John loved evenings like this. When he felt like he belonged there the most.  
Some time later, Alexander went to his office, as Eliza fell asleep on a sofa. Angelica cuddled beside her and closed her eyes. Philip finished his third turtle.  
'Great work, kiddo' John admitted.  
'Thanks' the boy whispered, assuming Eliza and Angie can't hear him. 'Where did you learn, how to draw these?'  
'Well, I just sort of... knew' John shrugged. He was trying to avoid talking about his life to Philip. The boy still didn't know, that he had very strong relationship with his father. 'I've always drew well. And I really liked turtles' he smiled to his thoughts. Philip laid his head on a pillow, which he had brought earlier, and looked at John from upside-down.  
'Tell me about your life' he asked. John clenched his mouth. 'Please.'  
'Well, I'm from South Carolina. I fought in a war-'  
'I knew it!' Philip raised his voice, so John put a finger to his lips.  
'Shhhh, you'll wake them up.'  
'I knew you were a soldier' Philip grinned. 'You're a hero, like my father.'  
John's throat tightened. He swallowed and snorted.  
'Well...' he didn't exactly know what to say, every mistake he made, every failure just came back to his mind. But he drove them away and smiled 'Your dad was a hero indeed.'  
'Did you know our daddy?' they heard female whisper and saw Angie with opened eyes. John tensed up.  
'You can see me?' he asked in shock.  
'Yeah' she slipped off the sofa softly, so she didn't wake up her mother, and sat next to Philip. 'I was curious who you are. Mommy and daddy can't see you.'  
'He's my friend. His name is John' Philip introduced him, as John smiled, still surprised. On what rules this ghost-life works?  
'So?' Angie raised his eyebrows. 'Did you know him?'  
John cleared his throat.  
'Well... yes, I did.'  
'Really?' Philip brisked up. 'You were his friend?'  
'Yeah... pretty close friend.'  
'Why don't we tell him, that his best friend is here?' Angie was confused. 'He should know-'  
'No, Angie, you know... adults don't really believe in ghosts' John laid his immaterial hand on her shoulder. She looked at it, amazed. She tried to touch it, but it went straight through it. John grinned.  
'Why?' she looked back in his eyes.  
'Well...' he browsed, searching for an answer in the air, but didn't find it. 'I don't know why. I didn't believe in ghosts too, before I became one.'  
'And why are you here?' Angie was really curious.  
'I think, to protect you. I promised Alexander, I will be beside him. And I am.'  
The next day, John was playing with a curtain, when Philip came in with a newspaper.  
'Look!' he made his way to John and showed him the newspaper. It said: "War hero, Philip Schuyler, loses his senate seat to young upstart, Aaron Burr."  
'What?' John came closer, unsure if he sees correctly. 'That little shhhhh-' he realised in time, that nine years old Philip is standing right next to him, so he ended 'hoelace.'  
The boy looked at him, trying to stop the smile, due to dignity of a situation. John snorted, put his finger to his lips and shook his head. Philip couldn't stop the smile on his face, but it faded, when Eliza entered the room. It reminded him of news, he had to pass on.  
'You called me, Philip?' Eliza looked at him with her eyebrows raised. Philip waved the newspaper.  
'Grandpa just lost his seat in a senate' he said, as he gave it to her. She read the article and sighed.  
'Sometimes that's how it goes' she said and sat Angie, who came in after her, on her lap. The girl smiled to John. He answered the same and waved his hand. Philip already told her not to talk to him while their parents are close. She said it's quite exciting.  
'We have to tell dad-' Philip looked seriously, but Eliza shook her head.  
'I'm sure he already knows.'  
She was right. After a moment Alexander appeared in a doorway, pissed off like a storm.  
'Not that little shit, again' he said at the door, John laughed.  
'Alexander, language!' Eliza jawed him. Alexander sighed and shook his head.  
'Sorry. This man's pissing me off.'  
'I can tell. But that's how politics works' Eliza shrugged.  
'I always considered Burr as a friend and now he changed parties, because he "saw the opportunity"' the quotation mark was almost audible. Eliza put Angie on the floor and approached Hamilton. She touched his cheek and kissed him. John's smile faded as he looked away. _Don't be jealous, John, she has every right to kiss him, she's his freaking wife._  
'I know' she said. 'But everything will pan out, you'll see.'


	3. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander's staying at home for the summer, because of tons of work. Laurens decides to stay with him, as Philip along with the rest of Hamilton family, travel to Angelica's place upstate. John is trying to make Alexander see him - but he doesn't know why, he starts to lose his strength and ghost-powers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for the comments!! You can't even imagine how much motivation every single one gave me! And thanks to all of you, here comes the next chapter :D Hope you'll like it and as always - please leave a comment, I love all of them <3

John was torn between going upstate along with Philip and the rest of the Hamiltons and staying at home with Alexander, as he didn't want to come. Philip begged Laurens a million times to come with them, but he couldn't decide. You should go, the one side of his soul was saying, you have to keep an eye on Philip, remember? That is your job. But then, the second one countered, you promised Alexander to be beside him. Now you want to abandon him? He couldn't do that. When the time of their departure had come, he eventually decided to stay with Alexander. He wanted to try to communicate with him once again. He really missed talking to him and he believed, there is a chance that Hamilton can notice him. After time.  
So he stayed. Alexander was spending all days by his desk, writing tons of essays, letters and documents. John was sitting beside him, talking to the air as Alex couldn't hear him. He was reading what Hamilton wrote, sometimes added a comment, which wasn't heard by anyone but John himself. But he didn't give up. He couldn't. Day by day he was sitting with Alexander by his desk.  
John didn't need to sleep, but he cottoned up immediately, that Alex ditched sleeping either. It was really dark and cold night, surprisingly cold for the summer, but Alexander had lighted the fireplace. He was bending over the desk, writing another letter to president John Adams with an expression of irritation on his face. He was muttering something under his nose, John couldn't understand the words. But he could see the dark shadows under Hamilton's eyes, the exhaustion in them.  
'Alexander' he laid his hand on man's shoulder. He didn't feel a thing. 'Alexander, you should go to sleep.'  
 _Why am I even feeling anything, I am a damn ghost_ , the thought crossed his mind, as disappointment once again filled his soul. He tried everything - he touched him, waved his hands right before his eyes, he even walked through him (which wasn't really pleasant, so he didn't want to do that again) - nothing worked. He could try moving things, but, he didn't know why, his abilities faded suddenly. Now, he couldn't even slightly move the curtain.  
'Alexander, please, I know there is a way, you could hear me' John begged and looked him in the eye. 'Why Philip can see me? Why Angie and the rest of your children can see me, since you're not able to? Please, Alex, _please_.'  
Alexander stopped writing and blinked. Laurens would hold his breath, if he'd still needed to breath. Hamilton raised his head and for the moment he looked exactly in John's eyes. But then, they both heard knocking on the door. Alexander nodded, confirming he heard properly and stood up, heading to the front door. Laurens sighed and clenched his teeth. He tried to punch a wall, but his hand went right through it, making him even more angry. He wanted to cry. These few days of unsuccessful attempts to make Alexander see him, drained him for good. He was regretting he couldn't crush a single tear from his eye. He was regretting he can't punch anything. How could you punch something, when you're whole immaterial? He would feel better, but now every emotion he felt was just accumulating inside him, heading to explosion.  
'Hi. Who are you?' he heard Alexander saying and emerged from the room to see, who had come. It was a young, looking sad lady in a red dress. She looked at Hamilton with deep sadness and plea for help.  
'I'm sorry I'm bothering you so late at night, sir' she said quietly, her voice soft and musical. 'But I don't know to who I can turn for help.'  
'Come inside from the cold, I'm listening' Alexander let her enter. He led her to the living room and sat her on a chair by the table. He made hot tea, asking for her name.  
'It's Maria Reynolds, sir.'  
Something in the way she said it, woke up bad feelings in John's soul. She accented almost every vowel. Laurens frowned and made his way to Alexander. He knew the pointlessness of his actions, but he was talking anyway. Maybe, at some point, it'll start working.  
'Tell her to get out' he whispered to Alex's ear. 'She's strange and I have really bad feelings about this, tell her to-'  
'I'm Alexander Hamilton' he walked through John, making him silent for a moment. He sat by Maria's side and give her the hot cup. She took it with gratitude and smiled shyly. 'What do you need?'  
'Alexander...' John groaned.  
'My husband... he's cheating me, beating me, mistreating me... and now he's gone somewhere, I didn't know, where to go. I don't have the means to go on' she whispered the last sentence, tears gathered in her eyes. She came closer; too close in John's opinion. Alexander looked at her with pity - Laurens knew she almost had him. The anger rose in him again - but this time it was a different kind of anger. The one that determines to actions.  
Alexander didn't back down. He rooted in his pockets and gave her a loan.  
'You're too kind, sir' she whispered and nicked his fingers. Alexander looked her in her brown, beautiful eyes.  
'Maybe I will walk you home?' he offered. John saw the twinkle in his eye - he knew this twinkle too much.  
 _Like Hell you will._  
He looked around and noticed a white vase on the windowsill. He gathered all his strength and tried to move it. His hands went through.  
'I don't want to be a burden' she said and came even closer. Their noses were almost touching each other.  
'I assure you, you're not.'  
'Alexander, for God's sake!' John yelled and Hamilton must have come to his senses a bit, because he made one step back.  
'Uh, we should- probably go' he giggled nervously and let her go first.  
 _No way._  
He tried again, with the same result. He shouted a curse.  
Maria didn't move from where she was standing.  
'Sir, I really don't want to drag you out of the house. There is so quiet, everyone is sleeping already, if they notice you're gone-'  
John didn't believe a word she was saying. Her voice expressed the opposite thing than the words that were coming out of her mouth. For him she could say 'I want you, Alexander, here, now' and wouldn't make much difference. He only couldn't understand how Hamilton didn't notice that.  
'There is no one in the house but me, don't worry' he smiled nicely. She looked at him, tilting her head. She approached him and touched his hand again, John could almost see how he budged.  
'You're sleeping alone here, in this big house?' she asked, drawing the lines on his hand.  
He just nodded, staring at her face, unable to speak.  
'Alexander, dammit!' he was trying again, and again, and again to move the vase, but he was too weak. He couldn't focus properly.  
'I'm alone too...' she quietened, John turned around to see her, kissing him, slowly, gently.  
 _Shit._  
They moved towards the stairs. Bedroom. John blinked, desperately trying to find strength in him. They were almost at the stairs, when it suddenly came to John.  
'Think about Eliza!' he yelled. Alexander, of course, didn't hear him, but that didn't drag Laurens from trying. 'Think about your children! What would they say, if they saw you now? What will they say when they find out?! Think, Alexander, think about Philip!'  
 _Think about Philip. Philip._  
The strength came like a lightning to John's hands and suddenly the white vase fell, breaking into pieces with a noise, in silence so loud, as if it was a gunshot. That cleared Alexander's mind. He stepped back from Maria, this time decidedly and cleared his throat.  
'I think you should go. The money should help you enough.'  
Maria, scared by the noise of a vase, only nodded and went away, muttering thanks under her nose. Alexander looked behind her as John sighed with a relief.  
The next day, they had another visitor. Alexander opened the door just after breakfast to see somebody, whom John definitely didn't expect.  
'Ah, mister president' there was a joy in Alexander's voice.  
'You need to stop calling me that, son' Washington grinned and patted his arm briskly. 'It's really nice to see you.'  
'You too, da- uhm, I mean mister Washington' Alexander and the visitor sat at the sofa near the fireplace. John took his place next to the window, just beside the curtain he used to play with. When he had the strength. The last night drained him so much, he didn't remember anything after Maria's leaving. He woke up to see Alexander eating breakfast and writing another essay.  
'Dad is fine' Washington shrugged and laughed at Alex's look. 'Yeah, yeah, you're not my son. Heard that already.'  
Alexander smiled casually.  
'So, tell me how are you doing? Where is Eliza and the rest of your wonderful family?’  
'She took the children upstate, to Angelica's place' Alexander scratched his head.  
'You didn't want to come with them?' Washington frowned. 'Why?'  
'I have really much work to do and-'  
'You know, sometimes it's good to take a break' ex-president donned his fatherly tone of voice. 'Besides, I heard John Adams spends this summer with his family too.'  
'Yeah, right' Alexander snorted. 'He doesn't have a real job anyway, everything falls on me.'  
Washington rolled his eyes.  
'Son, it's probably because you're taking everything on yourself! You should slow down a little' he smiled, because he knew, whatever he would say, it would never change Alexander's mind. He couldn't live without writing.   
They continued to chat, but John stopped listening. He blinked as the room started to spin around slowly.   
_What the Hell is happening?_  
He shook his head, but it didn't really helped. He didn't know what to do, he wondered if ghosts can faint. Because he felt, like he was about to.   
Suddenly something above his hip exploded with pain, John bent over, sharply scooping the air in his lungs. He was back on a bed, in his house, back alive. The doctor was beside him, watching his wound. He apologized for touching it too hard.   
What the Hell just happened? Was it all a weird dream? He didn't die?  
'Am I- still alive?' he tried to ask, but his voice was so hoarse, the doctor didn't understand. John tried again, with the same result. He coughed, covering his mouth with his hand. When he moved it, he saw drops of red blood on it.   
The doctor told him to stay still. His eyes were closing, he was slowly falling asleep. He heard voices. He thought it was his sister, Martha, but there was only the doctor in a room. He focused and he could understand the word. One word.   
'John.'  
 _John._  
Suddenly he was immaterial again. He found himself on a cemetery. Wait a second... he knew this place...  
'John' his imaginary heart bunched up, when he heard Alexander's quiet voice, filled with suffering. John turned around to see Hamilton standing motionlessly in front of the grave. Laurens carefully made his way to it and stood by Alexander's side.

>   
> Sacred  
> In the memory of   
> John Laurens  
> Son of  
> Henry and Eleanor  
> Laurens  
> Born 28th October 1754  
> Died 27th August 1782  
>  _"Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori"_  
>  _T. Walker_  
> 

John saw tears on Alexander's cheeks as he laid a letter on the grave. The letter John had never read and never will. Hamilton blinked, wiped away the tears, sniffling.  
'I'm with you Alexander' John said quietly. Hamilton narrowed his eyes staring at Laurens' grave.  
'You should still be here, my dear Laurens' he said, his voice really quiet. 'You deserved so much better. The world kept being hard on you, but you stayed optimistic and happy. My heart will never forget you, I-' he sobbed, unable to find proper words. He looked at the sky, trying to stop another volley of crying. John's soul was aching with the pain, that couldn't go away through tears; yet he was surprised that for the first time in his life, Alexander Hamilton couldn't find words.  
'It's okay' he put a hand on Alex's arm. Hamilton budged and looked at Laurens, who froze in shock.  
'Jack?' he whispered, his eyes wide open.  
'You- you can see me?' he asked after a while. Alexander just nodded. 'I missed you.'  
'Jack...' he tried to touch him, but his hand went through John's body. John gave a small laugh, looking him in the eyes.  
'I told you not to call me that' he said.  
'I miss you too' Alexander's eyes full with love. 'I miss you so much.'  
'Shhh, I know, I know' Laurens nicked his face. 'But I promised to be beside you, right?'  
Alexander nodded eagerly.  
'Exactly. So I will be, 'til we meet again.'  
'You will?' he apparently couldn't believe it.  
'Yes, I will. I already am.'

When he opened his eyes, he was back in Alexander's bedroom. John looked around and saw Alex, waking up. What was that? A dream? Is this the reality - finally? John glanced down at himself and back at Alexander. He sat at the edge of his bed and hid his head in his hands. John came closer and the explanation finally came to him, out of the blue - he was in Alexander's dream.   
_Why are you dreaming about my grave? You should dream about nice things, Alex._  
He put his finger on Hamilton’s forehead, trying to do the same thing, as he was doing to Philip, when he couldn't sleep - he wanted to put some good dreams in his mind, but he was drained from all the power. When his finger touched Alexander's forehead, John blacked out again.


	4. "Everything will be alright..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting worse. And worse. Philip grows up. The world finds out about little big scandal, which causes Philip to encounter a man which could change his life forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it took me so long, but there it is! Thank you so so much for the comments - I hope they will appear here as well, I love every single one of them! And forgive me the summary, I can't do these things lol.  
> Anyways, enjoy!

He found himself next to worried Philip. His head was pulsating with pain, the world around was slowly spinning around. John frowned and looked at the boy.

'Philip?' he asked, still a bit confused. But with every second he felt the strength finding its way back to his body. As if the presence of a young Hamilton was somehow recharging him. 

'I was wondering where you are, John' he said and laid his hand on his lap. He just noticed that it's bandaged. 

'What happened to your hand?' he asked.

'I fell of the tree, but aunt Angelica said it will heal soon' Philip smiled.

'Why did you climb on the tree in the first place? It's dangerous.' 

'I didn't know that' Philip shrugged. John shook his head. The thought that if he was here with him, it wouldn't had happened, crossed his mind. 

'Well, try not to do that again, will you?' John half-smiled. 

'Now, when I have you back, I won't' the boy grinned. 'You were with my father? How is he?'

'He's... fine' John sighed. 'Where are your siblings?'

'They're already sleeping. It's the middle of a night' Philip laughed.

'Oh- you're right' John smiled too. 'So you should go to sleep, too.'

Philip laid down and wrapped himself in a blanket.

'Will you stay here?' he asked with a sleepy voice.

'Yes, I'll watch over you, as always' Laurens stroked his head. 'Goodnight, Philip.'

'Goodnight, John.'

 

During seven next years, John learned that the closer to Philip he stayed, the stronger he was. And if he was far away from the boy for a long time, he was slowly disappearing. So he stayed by Philip's side, helping him and his siblings. All of them could see him. Not only the boy and Angie, all of Alexander's children saw him. It was their little secret. Neither Eliza nor Alex ever saw him and John was never able to enter Alexander's dreams again. After time, he gave up trying to get his attention and focused on Philip. 

This day wasn't different from many others. The summer sun was shining bright, it was really hot this year. John was alone with Philip in the house, trying to pick up a book as the boy was reading something for school. Suddenly, they heard knocking on the door. Philip put the book on the table and opened the door. 

'The newest paper' a postman smiled and handed him a newspaper. Philip thanked and sat back by the table, opening the paper.

'John... John, you have to see this' Philip called Laurens after a while. His face paled, as he was staring at an article in the newspaper. John approached him and read it above his shoulder.

 

_ Alexander Hamilton forfeits an option to become the President after publishing the Reynolds Pamphlet. "The charge against me is a connection with one James Reynolds for purposes of improper pecuniary speculation. My real crime is an amorous connection with his wife, for a considerable time with his privity and connivance, if not originally brought on by a combination between the husband and wife with the design to extort money from me." _

John almost felt how the blood was spacing from his face. Maria Reynolds. It was seven years ago. She came back, after John vanished. And Alexander eventually fell for her.

'Alexander, what have you done...' he whispered. Philip threw away the paper and hid his face in his hands. John put a hand on his shoulder and looked at the boy with a compassion. He cheated on Eliza. He betrayed everyone he loved. And it wasn't enough - he published it! John sighed, his face distorted in pain. 

'I'm so sorry, Philip' he said quietly and through his fingers, he saw the tears on his face. 

'Why?' his voice was almost inaudible, filled with sorrow. 'Why would he do that?'

'I don't know, kiddo' Laurens shook his head with helplessness. 

'How could he betray us like that? Betray mom...' he cut off with a sob. 

'Shh, I know' John stroked his hair. Philip cuddled in his arms and started to cry. 'I know.'

 

Alexander came home late. Eliza had already found out, she was sitting quietly in a living room, re-reading old letters. The children had hid in a room upstairs, all together, feeling an atmosphere of suffering. Not all of them knew what happened, but they all were aware, that something is very wrong. John was with them, but looking out the window, enwrapped in thought. 

The door banged, when Alexander entered. A moment of silence; then Eliza started to yell at him. They couldn't understand the words behind closed door, but her voice was filled with sorrow and anger. Will and John started to cry, James and Alex also had tears in their eyes, Philip along with Angie were trying to comfort them, knowing there is no possible way they could. Laurens noticed that, and sat on the floor, next to them.

'Come here' he tried to cuddle every one of six children. They all needed a support. 'It will be alright. It's gonna be alright' he whispered. Then they just slid into silence, interuppted only by sobbing. 

Soon, Eliza stopped yelling. She was crying, they smelled burning candle. Half of the children fell asleep in John's arms. Philip glanced at him.

'What now?' he asked whispering.

'You all should go to sleep' John looked at the four youngest children, cuddling to him. 'Angie can help you carry them to their beds.' 

She nodded, sniffling. Her eyes were red from crying; she let herself to weep after all younger siblings fell asleep. She wanted to be strong; John thought it'd be good to give her a job to do, so she felt needed and useful. 

Along with Philip they carried their brothers to their beds, then both of them cuddled into their own beds. John sat next to Philip, but he shook his head. 

'Could you stay with Angie tonight?' he asked. 'She needs you more than I do.'

'Are you sure you'll be alright?' John worried.

'Yes. She is strong, but I can hear her crying. She won't sleep tonight without your help' he smiled weakly. 'I'll be fine.'

'Alright then' Laurens kissed his forehead. 'Goodnight, Philip.'

He made his way to Angie's bed and sat beside her.

'How are you, my little parakeet?' he asked and stroked her head. She turned to him, her face wet from tears. She shrugged and sniffled.

'You should get some sleep' Laurens whispered. 'Everything will be alright.'

'Will you- stay here for a while?' she asked.

'Yes, I will' he smiled as she closed her eyes. He touched her forhead, as he used to do to Philip. 'Sleep well.'

Next day, he went check on Philip, but discovered, that he's gone.

'Hey, Angie, have you seen Philip?' John asked with a frown. 

'Mom said he went to the store.'

John eventually found him, partly guided by his spiritual senses, on a market. He was listening to some twenty-and-more years old guy, who was pronouncing something.

'Hey, Philip, what's happening?' he made his way to the boy and asked. He looked down on him and saw the anger on his face. 

'George Eacker is talking about my father' he whispered, so no one could hear him. 'You know - about the paper. Just listen.'

John looked at the man. He was talking about Alexander the worst things. He was mocking him, he laughed that he will never be the President now. That it's one less thing to worry about. John clenched his teeth. Suddenly, Charles Lee came to his mind. Lee and their duel. 

Apparently Philip thought about the same thing, because after George's speech was over, he moved towards him.

'What are you doing?' asked John, carefully.

'Shh, you'll see' he just said and approached Eacker, who was taller and older than him.

'You shouldn't have talked about my father like that!' he exclaimed with anger. Eacker raised his eyebrows.

'Really? And why is that? What I said, is only the truth!'

'No it's not! And if you continue to say this, we will see each other on a dueling ground!' 

Eacker laughed as John caught Philip's arm.

'Philip, I don't think it's a good idea...'

But he wasn't listening. 

'Yeah, let's see what you can do with a gun, little one' Eacker was still laughing at him, though his sight was serious. John realised, he really wanted a duel. And he intended to win it.

 

Philip was nervous. This was one of the most important moments in his life. And his father, to who he went for an advice, just told him, to aim at the sky.

'But dad... what if he decides to shoot? I'll be dea-'

'No' he contravened, shaking his head. 'He won't shoot, if he's truly a man of honor. You know, my son, killing a person is something you can never forget. Your mother wouldn't want you to have something like that on your conscience.'

'Okay... I'll do as you say' Philip still wasn't sure about it, but he knew, he want to make his father proud. And killing a man - even a bad, lying man - wouldn't make him proud. 

His father gave him his guns and smiled to him. Philip walked out of the house and encoutered John.

'Are you ready?' he asked.

Philip swallowed.

'Yes' he wanted to sound confident, but John glanced at him piercingly. Didn't comment though. He walked him up to the duel ground, telling him duel commandments and useful advices. Philip considered telling him about aiming at the sky, but waived it. He knew Laurens wouldn't approve that. 

They arrived to Weehawken first. Philip leaned against the tree and looked at the sky. 

'You know, I had a duel too, when I was still alive' John said and smiled.

'That's how you-?' Philip started, looking at him with fright, but he shook his head.

'No, I won it' he laughed. 'I dueled with one jerk, but I didn't kill him, only shoot him on the side. And I was thinking...' he glanced at Philip 'maybe you shouldn't try to kill him. I mean, when I was alive, I was just like you, I wanted blood and adrenaline, but now I see, that duel are for two man to proof to themselves, that they are brave enough to stand and fight. You don't have to fire your guns at all.' 

Philip didn't say anything, so John continued.

'All I'm saying, is that I think you should try to make peace talk for a start.'

'He didn't apologize' he pointed out. 'So I don't know why would he now?'

They arrived. Eacker and his second were confident and both grinning. Philip narrowed his eyebrows; George looked like he wouldn't throw away his shot. _But I have to make my father proud. I will do, what he told me to._

They drew positions. John was standing right beside him, his face slighly wried in thought. Philip took a deep breath. He's ready.

They turned around, back to back, then walked a few steps away. Their seconds were counting to ten. He felt John by his side. _Everything will be alright, as long as John is here._

They reached seven, when they heard a gunshot. John's presence suddenly vanished and Philip felt a burning, acute pain, above his hip and in his arm. He dropped a gun and fell on the ground. Philip, with the last drops of his strength looked up, looking for John. He found nothing, but the blue sky.


	5. The Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm giving up I can't do summaries. All I can say, is that everything is gonna be alright, really this time and I can't write fluff. But you've had enough angst I think. Enjoy!

The wound above his hip was burning hot. Even slight movement was causing acute pain. He was barely conscious, but there were few things, he knew for sure.  
First - he wasn't dying. He was warm, but not hot, his wound was dressed properly. He couldn't tell where he was, but there was safe. And really quiet, he could hear muffled voices from downstairs though. He had no idea, how he survived, but he felt perfectly alive.  
Second - he did everything right. He aimed at the sky, he was counting to ten. It was Eacker who shot too soon. He wondered if his father is proud of him, even though he got shot.  
And the third thing - John wasn't there for him, as he always had been. Just after they heard the gunshot, John disappeared. Then the bullet hit his body. Philip tried everything - he called him, in his mind as well as out loud. He looked for him, but he didn't came.  
'Philip?' he heard a voice. After a while he recognized it.  
'Pa' he said as his father sat beside him. He stroked his forehead and smiled softly.  
'How are you, my son?'  
'I'm fine' he shrugged. It was true; with every second he felt better. He was completely awake now and smiled.  
'That's good. Good.'  
'Where are we?' Philip asked.  
'At aunt Angelica's house, she will let you stay until you're fully recovered.'  
There was a moment of silence between them.  
'I did just as you said, pa, I was aiming for the sky' Philip informed him. What if his dad isn't proud of him? What if he's angry or- or disappointed? But Alexander's smile widened, as he whispered 'I know, Philip, I know. And I'm so proud of you. That you are an honourable man. That you didn't shot him. And that you made it.'  
His voice cracked a little. His father was terrified about him.  
'Why- what actually happened?' he asked with a frown. Alexander looked him in the eyes.  
'The doctor said you had an incredible luck. If the bullet had hit just millimetres aside, you would be dead by now.'  
Philip blinked. Was it luck or...  
'You're right. I was there all the time. I might have... moved the bullet a little' John appeared right behind Alex with a big smile. 'I'm glad you're alright, kiddo.'  
Philip grinned.  
'What?' his father frowned. Philip just shook his head.  
'Nothing' he looked at John with a question in his eyes. John shrugged and nodded. They understood each other without a word. 'It wasn't luck.'  
'Excuse me?' Alexander, on the other hand, didn't understand a thing.  
'It wasn't luck' Philip repeated. 'It was John.'  
Alexander blinked, needing a moment to ensure, that he heard correctly.  
'John? What John?'  
'John Laurens, you're friend' Philip glanced at John, who stood behind Alex with a smile, though a little nervous.  
'Wha- how do you know about him?' Alexander was completely confused now.  
'He's here. He was with my practically all my life and he saved me' Philip declared.  
His father didn't say anything.  
'He is a ghost' Philip added. 'He watches over me and my siblings all the time.'  
John couldn't bear the tension anymore, and even though he was sure it won't do anything, he laid his hand on Alex's shoulder.  
He jumped and stood up, face to face to John. He opened his eyes wider, as Laurens' were full of positive shock.  
'You can see me?' it was something between an ascertainment and a question. He saw the tears gathering in Alexander's eyes.  
'You're- you're really here?' he asked whispering.  
'Yes, my dear Alex, I told you I'd be' John smiled and caught his hand. It did not went through his. He actually touched it and, amazed, poised and kissed.  
'You were here- all this time?' Hamilton still couldn't believe that Laurens was here. He grinned.  
'Yes. All along.'

Alexander didn't want to leave John's side. He was scared that it's only a dream and that he will disappear, when he leave him. But Angelica called him for a dinner and John told him to go and eat, and made a promise, that he will not disappear during this time, only watch over Philip, as he was doing all the boy's life.  
'So, how did you do it?' Philip asked, after Alexander left the room. 'How did you moved the bullet.'  
John shrugged.  
'I kind of- panicked. A little. And, I don't know, it happened so fast, I saw that he fired his gun too soon and just fly towards it and moved it a bit, just like I do with the books' he said. 'But if it's hard to move a book, imagine what it's like to try to move something as little as a bullet, especially when it's moving' he snorted.  
'I'm sorry, I-' Philip started but John waved his hand and smiled.  
'Don't be, it's fine. After all, it ended good, no one's dead and everyone's happy, right?'  
'Thank you' he smiled too. John sat beside him and kissed his forehead.  
'Anytime.' 

They stayed at Angelica's for the next week. After that time, Philip could walk and everything was fine. They were going to head back home, Angelica offered them breakfast. They sat by the table together, all the Hamiltons plus Angelica and her husband. John leaned against the wall, next to the window, as he used to do in Hamilton's house. He looked at Philip, who grinned. Alexander noticed it and also looked at John with a sight, that caused John's heart to beat faster. Alexander could see him. It wasn't a dream, after nineteen years Alexander Hamilton could finally see that John was here. He smiled widely, as a heat filled his chest. Alex raised his eyebrows and grinned. Laurens burst in laugh. Philip rolled his eyes, and snorted under his nose. He glanced at John with a sight saying basically "Really? Only a friend?" Laurens bit his lip, trying to stop the laugh and looked away mysteriously. Philip nodded indulgently and occupied himself with his meal. 

They returned home and came back into their normal lives. A few years passed quickly and the time had come, for Hamilton to decide who's gonna be the President after John Adams. The people were looking at him, in fact his voice was the deciding one. After quick debate with Laurens, Alexander decided to vote for Jefferson. He at least had beliefs.  
Burr was angry. He wrote to Alex, Alex wrote him back and their argument would last for the eternity, if that one letter didn't come. Alexander opened it and read, raising his eyebrows.  
'He's challenging me' he said to John, staring at the letter. John turned to him.  
'What you're gonna say?' he asked carefully.  
'I don't know' he shook his head. 'What do you think I should say?'  
'Well' he sat beside him and clasped him. 'I think you should let it go. Burr's little piece of shit and he's jealous. There's no point in arguing with that kind of people.'  
Hamilton looked him in the eye.  
'You've changed' he noticed. John nodded.  
'I know. Being a ghost changes you, you know?' he laughed. 'No, really. You shouldn't duel with him. You have a family, children and- I can't lose you again.'  
'Again?' he asked with his eyebrows raised. 'It was you, who died!'  
'But you couldn't see me, even when I walked through you or danced right before your eyes!' John exclaimed with laugh.  
'Wait, what? You danced before my-' Alexander burst in laugh, then looked at John with a question forming in his eyes. John saw it first and rapidly shook his head.  
'Oh noo, no way I'm doing this again, Hamilton, come on! You're an adult, act like it!'  
'Said John Laurens' Alex looked at him indulgently. 'But okay. I'll leave him alone.'  
And so he did. And then, they lived happily ever after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO this is over! This was my first project in English, so I'm quite proud of it :3 Sorry for any language mistakes that might had been there, I'm still learning. Thanks to all of you who read this, that was really fun for me!! <3 Love y'all and I hope you're having a great day. Once again sorry for all the angst XDD  
> I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did   
> THANK YOU ALL <3 <3  
> (Yes, I'm really excited shhh, I've never finished anything in English, give me a second XDD)


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